In honor of my three year wedding Anniversary, I thought it would be fitting to talk a little bit about the three most important things I have learned about marriage while being married to Jonathan. Let me start by saying that our marriage has NEVER been easy. We met, married, and then were separated (because of deployment all in under three months. One of the hardest parts about the entire thing was the fact that we didn’t really know each other well. Jon didn’t know the depth of my depression and alcohol abuse, and I didn’t know his past with his ex well enough to realize that what I thought was jealousy and control issues, was in fact, him being afraid that I would hurt him.With all that being said, we have come a VERY long way.
One of the most important things we’ve learned is communication. This is KEY to a successful relationship with your SO. You’ve probably heard this million times and thats because it is the number one thing most marriages are missing. I have always been the kind of person to harbor my anger and let it draw out for days, while Jonathan is the complete opposite. He likes to put things out on the table and solve the problem before it turns into something bigger. So, I have learned that while its okay to take a breather, its more important to sit down and talk everything out like adults should. No yelling. No screaming. No name calling. Its important to let each other say their peace without interruption, and even if we don’t agree 100%, the fact that were both willing to sit and listen is so respectful. Communication isn’t always just about arguments. Communication is telling (and sometimes reminding someone over and over) that you’re doing something this day, or that you like things done a certain way. Communication can take work, but thats okay, you have a lifetime together to figure it out.
The second most important thing I’ve learned in my marriage is that giving each other space is important. I wholeheartedly believe its important for Jonathan to go out with his guys friends every once in a while, just like I like to go out to brunch or go wine tasting with my girlfriends. We both work long, hard days, then come home to a very cranky, tired baby, so taking advantage of baby free time with our friends is just so good for us mentally. It also just makes the time you have together seem more special. So ladies, don’t get angry if your man wants to go out with his friends for a few hours and fellas, sometimes we just want to drink some wine and gossip about nonsense with our friends. Nothing wrong with that.
The third most important thing I want to talk about is respect. Respecting each other is SO important. We show respect in the way we talk to each other, by doing things around the house without being asked, by recognizing how the other person is feeling (happy about something or upset) listening and giving genuine feedback or advice on something, and most importantly, never talking down to one another. Especially in front of Mav. A lot of people mistake respect for obedience. Neither of you are lower than the other, and having respect for one another does mean that. In my opinion, it only allows for your marriage to flourish and become stronger.
Now that we’ve been married for three years, I only can imagine how much we will grow 5, 10, or 15 years down the road. I would appreciate any feedback on this post, and please feel free to comment the best marriage advice you’ve ever heard or been given.
Until Next Time